Do Gay Men Really Love?

A question was posed to me the other day: “Do gay men really love?” The man who asked me had obviously already formed his own opinion on the subject, but I had never thought about it as a blanket generalization for the entire community. The only answer I could give him at the time was that I myself had loved, I knew that in my heart; and, therefore, at least one of us had.
Of course, then, it becomes an individual question. Only we as individuals truly know if we have loved or not. And sometimes we don’t realize it until it is too late whether we truly did or not.
But then, why would it have to be a gay issue at all. The question would really have to be whether or not people in general ever really love, if anyone can be selfless enough to give themselves to another person. Again, it becomes an individual question and cannot be applied to an entire group or community. To do so would be stereotyping, and we know fundamentally that that is wrong, right?
This then brings up a larger issue in our community. Why do we feel it necessary to stereotype ourselves? Are we not ostracized and criticized and stereotyped enough by everyone else? Is it some form of self-hatred? Do we hide behind it to excuse our actions or rationalize our shortcomings instead of trying to be good people and improve ourselves? To ask “Do gay men really love?” is essentially to excuse yourself from having to do just that.
If you choose not to love, that’s fine. Just be honest about that decision instead of hiding behind some false notion that you are incapable of love simply because you are of a certain sexual orientation. Surely anyone can see how ridiculous such an idea is. That’s like saying a gay man is incapable of liking peanut butter simply because he doesn’t like women. The decision to love (if it is a decision) or rather to pursue love is a fundamentally human one, not a gay one. In the big picture, isn’t choosing to pursue love, to be with another person essentially about growing up, being mature enough to take on that responsibility, being brave enough to put yourself out there?
Love is part emotion, part uncontrollable desire and fondness, but also part decision. We must make a conscious decision to allow love into our lives, to choose another person to share our life experiences with. It is the individual that must make that decision, not the gay community as a whole.