Are We Meant to Love Just Once?

As I sit here and contemplate the frequency with which it would seem that we betray our partners for new loves and new sexual encounters, it occurs to me to pose the question as to whether or not we, as human beings are mean to be confined to one person, one sexual experience, one lifetime in the same relationship. Any number of religions and beliefs hold true to the idea of the everlasting covenant of marriage, the idea that sex is reserved for the legally and spiritually bound couple, and the notion that once you've chosen the one there are no others. Til death do us part, right?

So why would it seem that these values, these beliefs have been so drastically ignored by so many what with divorce rates through the roof, extramarital affairs seeming commonplace, couples advertising on the internet as swingers looking for partners, families growing ever larger to include step children, half siblings, etc., etc. I can't even begin to tell you how many times I've seen male couples openly listed together on dating websites looking for partners for threesomes or more, or men on there who specifically state that they are partnered but are eagerly looking for no strings sexual partners to augment their physical needs. I don't know what's more disturbing, that these things are there in such abundance, or that they are included so blatantly on the relationship status buttons portion of the questionnaires. I even met a man once who had 2 husbands. All three of them slept together in a very large bed when they were home at the same time. You see, two of them were truck drivers and were often on the road. When apart, they openly allowed other sexual partners as long as there were no secrets and no deceit involved. I found the whole idea rather strange at the time, and still do. I've only ever had enough trouble keeping track of one partner, much less two. I had the boldness enough to ask him if there was every any jealousy or hard feelings between them when any of them strayed from the three. He said no, that they had all agreed at the start of their partnership to not allow such feelings to cloud the relationship, but I have a hard time believing that it is just that simple.

Even yesterday, I was watching the program Big Love on television, a show who follows the lives of a polygamist family in suburban Utah that consists of one husband and three wives. On this particular episode, they were arguing over who how much time was spent with each partner and what activities (including sexual) were participated in with each wife. It seemed that there were a few discrepancies and suddenly no one was happy. At one point the three wives ganged up on the husband, effectively freezing him out of any physical contact and sending him to the basement to sleep on a old sofa. It begs the question as to whether balancing time and attention in a relationship involving so many people is even possible.

But perhaps we are getting a little into the extremes with plural partnerships. What about all those people who divorce or leave their current partners for new loves? What about partners that die and leave us alone to fend for ourselves? More often than not, a new partnership is formed. We eventually fall in love again. There is a more than once-in-a-lifetime chance for love. Some people marry four or five times, or even more leading one to believe there is a boundless capacity for falling in love. certainly people have multiple children and have the capacity to love each one. Our families grow with new nieces and nephews, new in-laws and the like. We accept them and love them. So what exactly is limiting us to that one true love, that once in a lifetime chance for romantic happiness?

Perhaps it is more a question of loyalty, respect, and honor in holding to the vow a person takes when accepting a marriage or life partnership than on the capacity for loving another; holding fast and true to the one we have chosen to share our lives with. I really can't say that there is anything wrong with that. There is almost something noble about such an act. However, it does beg the question: if we are capable of falling in love, loving, and being loved more than once in this life, then are we really meant to love just once?

Whatever the answer is, what is most comforting is to know that if we are left behind, betrayed, or hurt by someone we have loved, there is hope of finding a new love, of starting over and being happy in love again.