What Flavor Are You?

Anyone who ever thought that every gay man could be categorized or stereotyped or typified, or whatever into a certain type of person…well, I’ve got news for you. We aren’t all Uncle Arthur. In fact, I can think of a number of subcategories under which to categorize our team. Let’s see how many we can come up with.

The Drama Queen- if there isn’t any, he makes it up himself.

The Leather Man- ass-less chaps, whips, and harnesses abound.

The Previously Married Man- lived the straight life, and then crossed over to the dark side. He either likes the marriage kind of life and finds a male counterpart to take his wife’s place or he goes out whoring to make up for lost time. In either case, he’s definitely tired of fish.

The Bi-Guy- in denial.

The Ultra-butch Man- spent so long playing straight, he doesn’t know any other way. He tends to watch sports, drink lots of beer, belch….you know, manly sort of things. Wouldn’t know he was gay unless he told you.

The Bear- hairy, chubby, and often incredibly cuddly. Often have a rough exterior, but soft inside. Great to be in bed with on cold winter nights.

The Cub- younger version of the bear.

The Twink- tiny little boy, under 20 or so, weighs less than a buck. He likes colorful designer underwear and showing off his fatless physique. Often hairless, even if he has to shave it off.

The Workaholic- always after the green. He doesn’t have time for a boyfriend, his work and travel schedule won’t allow it. A new car is more immediately rewarding, anyway, right?

The Old-Fart- somehow single at 50 or 60 (wonder why), but somehow thinks he can attract the boys under 25. Been through a sting of ‘em, but once they hit 26, they’re too old for him. His own mental maturity doesn’t reach past the age or 18.

The Drag Queen- often fits under the drama queen category as well, these boys like tits and often fly to Mexico to get them cheap. They have two names, and a wardrobe for both.

The Bar Fly- no matter what time or when you walk into the local gay pub, he’s always there at the bar, watching the guys go by and chatting up the bartender, who knows him by name.

The Circuit Kid- (or party boy) always at the clubs, dancing the night away. Drunk or high, life’s always a party.

The Prep- (or brand whore) even his glasses are Burberry. He never goes out unless he’s dressed to the nines.

The Jock- (or gym whore) 5 times a week or more at the gym, not an ounce of fat on him, and you could probably wash your clothes on his stomach. He tends to linger in the gym locker room showing off his body in either a jock strap or nothing at all.

The Political Activist- always wants to know if you’re going to the next fairness meeting, or fundraiser, or parade. And if not, why.

The Woman- usually a total bottom, he is friends almost exclusively with women and tends to prefer activities like shopping, softball, decorating, and home maintenance.

The Serial Monogamist- he may or may not keep them for long, but he only does one at a time.

The Whore- fairly self-explanatory. He’s been with everyone you know and then some, and even has some of it recorded on tape.

The Regular Guy- he walks among us, unnoticed. Your basic average Joe who happens to like a little sausage for dinner.

The Professional- your dentist, lawyer, doctor, accountant, etc. He keeps a professional profile at work, but can get down and dirty after hours.

The Loner- he’s lived alone for years, pokes his head out every once in a while to say hello, but otherwise keeps a low profile.

The Dreamer- ran off to New York to be a dancer, or California to make it big, or simply left his home town for brighter skies.

And then, of course, there are those that don’t fit into any to any category. They have regular jobs, live regular lives, fall in love, and make families just like the rest of us. We can laugh about it, but the point is, there really is no one type of anything, especially when it comes to people. What does it all have to do with romance? Nothing, I guess, except that with all these possible people, imagine all the possible couple combinations. It’s a virtual zoo.