The Problem With Threesomes

I was walking through the mall on a first date once long ago. We were asking each other general questions, trying to get to know each other, when he looked at me over a pile of sweaters and asked me if I believe in threesomes. I have never been one who was good at immediate answers as my brain generally requires some time to mill over even the simplest of ideas, so I had to stop and think for a second before answering. Of course, I believed in threesomes in the sense that they existed and people did partake; but I knew that the real question was whether or not I found them to be acceptable. He was testing my morals.

Have I indulged in a threesome or two? Yes. Would I do it again? Of course, there is always that one-in-a-million opportunity that might come up that I couldn't possibly say no to, but generally the answer would be a resounding no. While it may be immediately satisfying to some degree, in my own experience, there is generally no residual benefit to such an endeavor. More often there is more complication involved than is generally worth the effort.

First, let's look at the technical aspects. Generally, there is more interest in one person than the other on the part of at least one of the participants, leaving one person out and not equally involved. Not exactly fair, is it? But if you're happy with whatever you can get, more power to you. I know what you're thinking. It would be great to be in the middle, like a sandwich, or getting it from both ends. Yeah, not so much. It tend to spread the focus and leave the whole experience less satisfying as you try to do two or more things at once. Don't let the moan of the porn stars fool you. It's not as satisfying as they would lead you to believe. Now if you're lying there and the other two are focused on your pleasure, it can be pretty fun; but often you are then obliged to return the favor, times two.

Now let's move on to the idea of spicing up your sex life when in a relationship. Often times, when the sex has become routine, perhaps even boring, couples will try new things, even new people in an effort to rekindle some kind of physical spark. I've done it. When my longest relationship felt stagnant and we had lost our connection, my partner and I made some attempt in this direction. It didn't even come close to solving our problems, however, as it seemed that when a third person was present, we focused all of our energy on him, never even touching each other. If anything, it spread us farther apart.

Now, reverse the situation. I was briefly involved with a couple that had been together for several years and was looking for a little outside pleasure. I would have to say that there was equal involvement physically, but it became fairly obvious rather quickly that one of the two was more interested in me both in and outside of the bedroom. In fact, at times it seemed that there was tension between the two over my presence, which made the situation rather uncomfortable. That's why my involvement was so brief.

Based on my own experience, I haven't seen any good come out of the threesome scenario beyond a little temporary pleasure, regardless of the moral implications of such a sexual act. It generally won't fix what's wrong with a relationship. If anything, it's only going to make things worse, if not create problems where there weren't any before. If you're single and just want to experiment a little, more power to you. If you're in a relationship and feel the need to look elsewhere for pleasure, perhaps there is more wrong with your relationship than you are willing to admit.