As the events of the past week have unfolded within my circle of friends, I am reminded why I deleted my MySpace profile last year in search of something a little more worth my time.
While I don't knock the website for its networking opportunities and a way to catch up with old friends and relatives who have moved on or were lost somewhere along the way in our social worlds, there comes a point where MySpace can be more detrimental to a friendship than helpful. If used for honorable purposes, I really don't see anything wrong with the site, or those like it (I don't mean to single out MySpace in and of itself, as there are plenty of sites so similar they are nearly indistinguishable in intent, just consider it a representative for the larger group here); but when you use it to purposely hurt others, when it becomes the instrument of passive-aggressive malice, then perhaps it's time to find another hobby.
A wise woman told me a while back that she found such on-line endeavors to be no more than an exercise in self-importance, posting pictures for the world to see, counting friends lists, comparing yours to his, checking to see where you stand in the friend ranking (1!, 2?, 20?!?!?!?!?), pasting your life onto a lit up screen for anyone who wants to peek into your world. I dare say I am guilty of the last one here on this very blog, but I like to think there is a greater purpose here even if I'm only kidding myself. It was after hearing these words of wisdom that I chose to delete the profile I had and make a few other changes to the way I interacted with those around me, preferring the telephone and a live voice to e-mail (however old-fashioned that may be in 2008), enjoying a visit with a friend in person over dinner or even just a shared television program to posting messages on message boards that all the world can see. Another friend once said, on the subject that, "I actually have to call you to find out what's going on in your world. I can't just look it up on the internet." There's something comforting in that, for whatever reason.
But, of course, those are personal preferences. I know many who enjoy the back and forth of messages and pictures and encouraging words on their personal web profiles. The problem I have with these things is when you start using these messages and internet games to intentionally smite or hurt someone behind their back so publicly instead of addressing a problem head on.
Scenario: A good friend of mine went on-line the other day to discover that another good friend had dropped her from the #4 friend position all the way down to #20. Hmmmm. Suspicion arose. Then a quote arose as the opening line to her page that included some text about how some friends turn out to be enemies rather than true friends. She had already started to neglect inviting her to events that we were generally all invited to in our little circle, but nothing at all had been said as to why. Then begins the phone calls, the long conversations, the speculations, and the eventual discovery that the friend was suspicious of the other of making advances towards her husband. The retaliation: a complete deletion of the accusing friend from her MySpace profile altogether and a quote on her page in response of equal (although perhaps a little worse) malice. Again, a wave of phone calls, accusations, friends caught in the middle feeling like sides have to be picked, but not wanting to pick sides or feeling like they should be in the middle. Still, no direct contact or addressing of the subject from the first friend to the second, the one with the issue, the very person that needs to be addressed regarding the issue instead of involving half a dozen others. Next: a completely innocent third-party to the issue is deleted from the first friends profile for (it would seem) no more reason than not taking her side on the issue. And again, the speculation, the hurt....and so on and so on. If you think your confused, well.... If nothing else, the internet friend-bashing has blown the issue so far out of proportion that it is hard to see where everything started.
Perhaps this is sounding a little familiar to some of you, say sort of like passing notes across the classroom in 7th grade, scorning this one for looking cross-eyes at your 'boyfriend' and not letting her sit with you at lunch. It would seem to be just another way to avoid acting like an adult and actually dealing with the issues at hand with those actually involved. I thought we had evolved a little past that as all of us in our circle are nearing if not already past the age of 30. I guess maybe I was wrong. If you have something to say, just say it. While I don't presume to take a side here with either friend, what I am saying is that perhaps there is a more direct way to handle the situation. Perhaps it is time to leave the MySpace to the middle-schoolers!
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