Passion Vs Sanity

Time and time again I've heard the age old complaint, "we just don't have sex anymore," or "he never seems to want it," and generally this is coming from couples who have been together a while, have established their relationship, and would be considered doing well in those relationships. On the flip side, there seems to be a growing number of men I know who are in the midst of having steamy passionate sex, but in volatile, quick-ending relationships that tax the emotional heart and leave them reeling for something more stable. It seems almost a paradox, as if we must make a choice between stable and sane, or passionate and volatile.

The same has happened to me over and over again in the past. I've had relationships that have waned after a while, physically, and the relationships have seemed to dissipate as if once we were comfortable with each other we had had enough. No more hunt and chase excitement. I've had relationships in which the sex was so passionate and immediate it was hard to hold back, only to be wrought with uncertainty and instability outside the bedroom. Either he's great in bed, but is an asshole and jerk; or he's friendly and nice as can be but doesn't light your fire.

Let's look at the pros and cons:

Passion:

• Great sex (obviously)
• Romance? What's that?
• Quick Fizzle, easy out
• Constant anxiety (is he really into me or am I just a play toy?)
• Passion = fights and heated argument outside the bedroom
• May not have to spring for dinner, just head straight for the bed
• When you're not in bed, he's off with his friends or after another 'piece of tail'
• Once you're naked and over with it, there's nothing more to talk about.
• Someone always ends up feeling jipped in the end
• The relationship is often on and off again, and each time you swear you won't take him back, but you do anyway.

Sanity:

• Stability (you know he'll never cheat)
• He always remember the flowers on Valentine's Day
• Harder to leave (you know you'll break his heart)
• Money-the dinner's, the flowers, the gifts, $$$$$, goodbye savings
• Companionship (grow old together, already)
• Lackluster sex life, you go to bed horny every night
• Common goals, common interests
• Conversation isn't difficult, you have things to talk about
• You have someone to call you're own, and you know it actually counts

Of course, these are extremes used to illustrate a point, but you get the idea. Only on a rare occasion has there been an in-between for me, a good sex life along with a stable, sane everyday existence with my partner. Those are the relationships that have lasted the longest, that have held love and passion and sanity together at the same time. Perhaps that is the key to finding a lasting partner, finding that mix that satisfies both sides. Until the day that you find the perfect mix, which do you choose?