Acting Your Age

There seems to be an inordinately large number of gay men, or rather, older men, who seem to be in denial about their age. Or maybe there is just an inordinately large number that have crossed my path as of late. It seems to be the ones that like younger men that are most often lost in this time-warped illusion. I guess it’s better than being lost in the decade of your prime, never updating your wardrobe from 1985 (or whatever year you last felt best); but, face it, if your 50, you don’t look good dressing like a 22 year old.

In my own experience, it seems that when such a stylistic offense occurs, it is either because he is trying to attract a younger man or his mental maturity never progressed past whatever age he is trying to dilute himself into believing he is. As far as the first possibility goes, I must say that as a young man, I did in fact date several older men. However, I was never attracted to an older man that looked like he walked out of an A&F closet. They were always men who looked and acted like the mature men they were. That’s why I was attracted to them in the first place, they weren’t flighty little queens. And if I saw a man of a certain age in Old Navy flip-flops and Hollister t-shirt, I don’t think I’d look twice, except to awe at the pure insanity of it. A man looks best when he accepts who he is (and what age he is) and acts that way. It exudes a maturity level worthy of a second or third serious look, at least for me.

As far as the second possibility is concerned, well….grow up. I guess if you want to run around like your still in your twenties (or maybe even your teens), going to the tanning bed, buffing your muscles at the gym, drinking every night, flopping your love handles around on the dance floor like you can keep a beat (sorry, you can’t), then more power to you. Just don’t expect anything more than exactly that out of life. Don’t be surprised when your current twink grows past it and moves on.

It’s really about accepting yourself and being comfortable with who you are. There was a man who fancied me recently. I met him at a cocktail party. He seemed nice enough until I saw him out at one of the clubs. His hair had changed. I later found out he had what my friends and I later referred to as a ‘triple fake threat.’ He had a hair piece on, a girdle to suck in the fat, and apparently some sort of device in his pants made to feel like a rather large penis. No, I didn’t discover that last one personally, but I heard it on good authority. I don’t think I have to tell you how absolutely absurd the whole idea is. I would just really like to have seen the look on the guy’s face when they are taking off their clothes and he discovered the difference between the illusion and reality. Wouldn’t you have to be pretty drunk? At least it’s good for a chuckle.

It never ceases to amaze me the lengths people will go to.