Translation: You Get On My Nerves, Hit the Road Loser

I was on the phone with one of my cousins earlier today. He is usually involved in a mess of problems, but that's a story for another day. Today he was telling me about the recent breakup of his brother-in-law with his fairly long-time girlfriend.

"What happened, I asked, a little bewildered as it seemed the two were headed for greater things.

"He says he didn't like it when she went out with her friends and got drunk. He's 26, she's only 22. I don't think she's gotten it out of her system, but it's not like he didn't have his party years."

I was not exactly satisfied with that answer. I immediately came back with, "That's nonsense. He just got tired of her and wanted to move on to the next girl, try something new. An excuse like that is just a half-assed way of saying that. If that was the real reason, he would have come up with it a long time ago." Then, of course, I went into my usual rant and rave about the cowardis in not calling a spade a spade, the complete ignorance of excuses like that, etc., etc. You've all heard me say it before.

In my experience, most every break-up line, every softened blow of a rejection is a thinly laced veil for the simple fact that he or she has had enough, that you simply don't butter his bread the way you used to. He's ready to move on to the greener side of the pasture. Of course, I can't deny that there are legitimate reasons to end a relationship, more profound reasons; but, for today let's focus on your everyday, run-of-the-mill boyfriend and/or girlfriend scenario. How many times have we heard these words:

I think we should just be friends.

You haven't one anything wrong, I'm just not ready for a relationship.

I didn't mean for it to happen, but I met someone...

We are in different places in our lives.

I think we should see other people.

It's not you, it's me.

Your damn right it's not me!