Happy Valentine's Day Or Not

I suppose that a Valentine's Day entry is a prerequsite for a blog with the word 'romance' in it, but I can't say that it has always been my favorite holiday. It's a little ironic how a holiday designed to celebrate love could bring on such a mixed bag of emotions ranging from pure joy to complete and utter heartache and resentment.

As children, we handed out Valentine's to each other in class. I always feared I would turn out like Charlie Brown and end up the only person without a paper heart on his desk. One year, I even hand made Valentine's for the entire class instead of buying the cut-out kind from a box. I drew Charlie Brown and Snoopy and Lucy Van Pelt with friendly Valentine's messages to each member of my class. Of course, I was mostly made fun of; but that was nothing new. Par for the course for the 'quiet, artistic' oddball in the class.

February 13th of this year would have been my 6th anniversary, had I still been with my previous partner. It reminds me of happier times, the beginning of love, the start of romance. But, quickly, those thoughts are replaced with the reality of what that partnership became, devoid of any inkling of something to celebrate with flowers and heart-shaped boxes of candy. Not that I ever recieved those things. Most of the time, I sort of celebrated on my own. He hardly remembered the event without two or three or ten reminders. I might have received a card once in the first year or two now that I think about it. I suppose I should be thankful for that.

I once broke up with a man on the actual day, February 14th. He had brought me a grocery sack full of candy and hopes for a holiday snuggled up together in bed. Instead, he got my complete inconsideration and two eyes full of tears. I regret the way I handled the situation. We weren't meant for each other in the end, but I could have shown more compassion. It saddens me to know I was once capable of such selfishness.

Like any sentimental holiday, Valentine's Days seems only to heighten or spotlight the emotions were are already feeling about love, relationships, romance. It throws our past back in our faces, or reinforces a smitten beginning, or deepens our sadness and lonliness. We are reminded of lost love, or cling to our current sweerhearts, or long for a love that has yet to appear. There are so many aspects of love, so many emotions involved, that, by design, a holiday meant to celebrate it is going to have to deal with each and every one of those aspects in doing so.

Whether you and your sweetheart share a kiss and a loving embrace on this day of flowers and chocolate or you spend the evening on a date with the sofa and a bottle of Jack Daniels or simply boycott the holiday all together, take comfort in the fact that it's only one day out of the 366 we have this year. Tomorrow we can go back to the rest of our problems.

Happy Valentine's Day (or not!)