Placing Blame

If you will excuse me today, I thought perhaps a little clarification/housekeeping was in order.

Every action I have taken, every reaction I have had, every life choice I have made has been my own, and I have had to deal with every emotional and physical consequence of those choices. This is a realization I have had to come to terms with slowly over the last few years. I am responsible for my own actions and cannot place the blame for them on anyone else but myself.

It has come to my attention that I may have portrayed a sense of blame for some of my actions and the nature of my behavior on society in general instead of taking responsibility myself. This has never been my intention. If I have done so in any way shape or form in the spance of writing this blog, I do apologize. If I write about society or the gay community in general, it is only to portray my own perspective on whatever subject is being discussed. I write it the way I see it. If I am wrong, than I open any subject up to discussion. Generalities are just that, they are not meant to represent each and every member of society or the gay community. No generality can do that.

I have made many choices in my life. Every relationship I have had that has ended has been partly my fault. I accept that. I have yet to discuss any of the details of my longest partnership (it has been something I have not been ready to talk about here yet), but I realize after much soul searching that I am as much to blame for its demise (if not moreso) than he was. I accept that I have treated people with complete disrespect and have been utterly ugly in my demeanor at times when it comes to love, sex, and relationships. And I accept that some of things I have chosen to participate in through my years (however completely idiotic) have not been because I felt pressure from society to do so or because I felt society pushed me into a corner, but because I chose to participate.

I accept that I am not a perfect person. I have made many, many, countless mistakes in my day that I cannot erase. But I will never place the blame for those mistakes on someone else or on the ambiguous entity known as society. Whether or not society accepts me, oppresses me, or celebrates me, I still have to live with myself and my own choices.