The Best Fit

I sit at a bar in a little bistro in downtown Louisville after a lovely dinner of pasta , flourless chocolate cake, and grey goose vodka and cranberry cocktails. I am just mentally lubricated enough to talk candidly about relationship and my past mistakes in love.

"I've made many mistake," I say between sips through a pair of cocktail straws. "But aren't they all mistakes until you find the right one?" to which I receive a chuckle from my companions.

Then, a little more seriously, one of my companions begins to describe a book he has read in regard to finding the right person to share your life with. Apparently, it included an exercise in which you write down all the things you are looking for in a mate, the qualities you wish them to possess. Basically, a guide for yourself to focus your search. Upon further discussion, we decide that no matter how many items are on your list, no one person would likely fulfill each and every desire. My dear companion then voiced his conclusion that your ultimate mate choice be the man who possesses the greatest number of those qualities on your list, the one who best fits even if not every quality is present.

I suppose I was a little too well lubricated at that point to really think about the implications of the statement, or perhaps it was the fact that others soon joined us and we were off to our next adventure for the evening. Either way, I really didn't digest the idea until later that week.

I agree with the idea, but only to a point. I whole-heartedly agree that no one is perfect and that no one is going completely fit into any predetermined mold. I also agree that you have to choose the mate that most closely fits what you desire in a partner. However, it seems to me that when you start looking at relationships in this way, there begins to be a very fine line between choosing the right partner and simply settling.

I don't know exactly where that line begins and where it ends. There are so many variables involved in finding a life partner that it seems a wonder that anyone finds a true mate at all sometimes; but surely you wouldn't want to settle for something that will not truly make you happy.

Relationship decisions can be difficult. Even if you know the love is there and it is true, it is often still very difficult if not impossible to know if we are making the right decisions. Sometimes that line is so fine that we could fall either way like a leaf from a tree in a slight breeze. There is definitely a difference, though, between choosing someone for the right reasons and just settling so as not to be alone. We just have to be careful and hope that we don't end up on the wrong side of the fence.