Goodbye Santa

I have never been one who was very good at letting go of things, whether it be my favorite sticker as a child, my parents when I moved off to college, or my own opinion, no matter how wrong it may turn out to be. I've been told that I can belabor a point to death or hassle someone for information to the point of driving them crazy. It is a character flaw, I know. Most especially, though, it is people that I have a hard time letting go of, even if they haven't exactly been a good influence on my overall well-being.

I am reminded of this in several ways these past few weeks. today, it was saying goodbye to my family after their annual holiday visit. The first reminder, however, occurred at the beginning of the holiday season, sitting inside with my family as the ice and snow fell outside. I was in the middle of a round of Christmas movies when I began to recall my childhood relationship with the man in red, the great Santa Claus. Even after I knew there was no such thing (at least in the way commercial America would lead you to believe), I still clung to the idea, encouraging the notion with my younger brother and playing along with all the holiday rituals. I didn't want to let the idea go.

I once even caught my parents filling Easter baskets late the night before the big day. Instead of accepting that there was no Easter Bunny, however, I rationalized that he was sick and that Mom and Dad were helping him out this year so that we wouldn't miss anything. Absurd, I know.

As I think about it, though, I begin to realize that I've done the same ting in several of my past relationship as well. How often do we rationalize the situation and stay with someone who may no be the best for us? How often do we chose not to see the truth, going through the motions and playing along just for the sake of not letting go? How often do we cling to something that only brings us down just for the sake of not being alone? I'm good at putting blinders on, I'm good at not letting myself see the truth that I know is there, I'm good at rationalizing the situation; and it would seem that I have been good at it since childhood.

At some point, though, we've got to let go. I've learned that the hard way in bad relationship after bad relationship. Perhaps it's about growing up, maturing, becoming an adult in the same way it is when we let go of our childhood fantasies. If we rationalize everything away, what substance are we left with? What kind of relationship are we stuck in and how can we possibly move forward and grow?